Saturday, December 29, 2007

Britney Spears

I just read a headline that said "Britney not allowed to keep kids!" Is that really a headline or just hews outlet assuring us that the world hasn't quite gone to hell in a handbasket. They should get some psychologist to do a Longitudinal study on kids of messed up celebrities and how those kids turn out. They could include Britney Spears, the little guy ummm what is his name... Tom Cruise. I'm not going to sit her and list the different kids you could include because Ithink you get the point.

A few comments on some comments made by loyal readers... Dave the Cliff Claven comment was very funny and confirmation as to why I have been using the white socks to dust. Diane yes I do a lot of running (although not recently), but I have put the 1960's high top socks (similar to the ones my mother bought me) and the crotch hugger jogging shorts back in my fathers drawer in Winnipeg.

Another observation... for all the talk of David Beckham and in the media did youk now that I have only once seen photos of his kids and his relationship with his wife appears to be stable aka they have good nannies, but maybe those kids could also be included in the study. Beckham seems the most normal of the bunch and the most likely to have normal kids.

You know I really want to follow up the Christmas Invitation entry with something as funny, but there isn't really anything funny to talk about. I had a really good time. I was expecting to be there for 3 or 4 hours... I didn't end up leaving until about 9 pm. I'm sure I oveerstayed my welcome and yes i had troo much to drink, but Lisa's family was great. Her husband and sons were terrific compnay and it made for a very enjoyable Christmas Day.

I seem to have a new vigor for writing in the blog. I wil lcontinue this throughout the New Year. However, I will be in New Zealand for a few weeks so I won't post until mid January most likely. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all.

Love,
D

Monday, December 24, 2007

Here is the details for my Christmas lunch with my interpretations in red

This is the e-mail sent to me about the Christmas lunch I will be attending... the coles notes verion is in red

Hi Danny,

I'm fine, and I have a wonderful time moaning about the humid weather.
(I'm fine, but I haven't finished my Christmas shopping, I have to get prepared to cook a dinner for you, my family and all your lazy asses and its 40 fricking degrees outside and I have boob sweat)
Details: we have a traditional vaguely mixed English and Australian Christmas lunch. This year we'll be having roast pork, roast lamb and a cold ham, with traditional apple sauce, gravies, roast veggies etc. We also do a brandy plum pudding with custard, fruit mince pies etc and a side dessert of something else for the non pudding eaters (eg my sons aren't big on it).
(We eat like Kings, I cook like a slave and yet my sons still can't manage to choke back the damn pudding that my needy Husband and mother insists on)
Let me know if any of this is a dietary problem , no probs if it is...can always do something additional for you.
(Your bandwagoning sorry ass better like whatever it is I decide to make)
As good Aussies, we are also red and white wine (and the men are also beer drinkers. We also ensure there are plenty of non alcoholic drinks around for eg me during the cooking!
(The only way you, me, my family gets through this most aggravating time is to get drunk as skunks, so you better bring some because I'm not sharing any of my magic potion)
Best time to arrive is 12.30. We tend to get straight into pre lunch drinks and nibbles and gift unwrapping immediately before Jasmine explodes with anticipation.
(By 10am I will have needed a strong drink... by 12:30 I won't be able to wait any longer and we all need to eat something to have a good balance of booze to food ratio in the belly to avoid barfing at 4am when I most likely will still be drinking)

Then lunch inside in the dining room (squeezy with so many of us, but adds to the fun) then outside in the garden for the afternoon, weather permitting. If it's hot Jasmine tends to squirt everyone with water pistols..which actually isn't too bad if its over 30 degrees!
(Because of you we are going to have to sit on each other laps... why is it I invited your sorry ass again? Regardless of temperature we are going to have to sit outside because there isn't enough room with you being there and there is a strong possibility you will get splashed in the face with a water pistol. I suppose this could be one reason why I invited you as the extra person means that there will be less squirts directed at me this year and we will all avoid the wet t-shirt incident we encountered last Christmas. P.s. hopefully this year the water pistol won't be filled with pee like it was in 05... here is to hoping!!)
Family info for you.
My husband Malcolm is a skinny Englishman, still has a strong accent despite claiming not to do so..took me a year to understand some of what he said (smile).
( He is a midget and he is sensitive about it, so no jokes. When he drinks there is no chance you will have any idea what he is saying, but this is most likely for the better, so cheers to that)

My sons are Willis, a bureaucrat come to think of it, in Melbourne; plays club cricket, volley ball (?) golf, used to play Aussie rules football and rugby and American football in his teens .
(Bureaucrat... so you he is going to ask you about your politics and religion within the first 10 minutes of meeting you.. you better bring your a-game... if you are getting killed trying changing the topic to the following sports)

Duncan, Jasmine's Dad, plays club tennis, plays acoustic guitar, Jasmine does gymnastics. (is scarily good at it). (It's a possibility that Duncan's partner Tamara and her 6 yr old daughter Jade will also be here. depends on how she can fit in both families. )
(Duncan will be so busy trying to keep Jasmine under control you won't have to worry about him)

My youngest son Jon (aged 28) still hasn't a clue about what do with his life, like many youngest sons apparently (smile). He began a BA at Flinders, dropped out, likes films and computers and is a really gentle guy...
(Where have a heard this story before minus the gentle part?)
And my Mum, Lena is a wonderful woman, who is very lucid at 85, but has recently lost a lot of her eyesight due to macular degeneration..but she doesn't let that stop her!
(A saucy lady who will indulge in a medicinal drink by about 8am can't see a thing, but she will be stripping by 2pm regardless.... nothing has stopped her including the depression and WW2)

Hmmm, if you want to bring anything a bottle of wine is always welcome...but if you don't drink, anything is fine.
(You better bring a bottle of wine, even if you don't drink and for your sake you better.. .you should still bring a bottle... its like Church when they pass around the plate for collection.. you know its a ripoff, but you don't want anyone to think you are mooching!!)
Do you drive or cycle?
(As I have hinted throughout this e-mail... the only chance of someone surviving this ordeal is to drink copious amounts of booze, so you should most likely drive unless you plan on driving home with your eyes closed and I can't really condone such actions)

The only thing I want for Christmas is my two front teeth

The only thing I wanted for this very low key Christmas was to watch the Jamie Oliver Christmas Special.... it was on at 7:30.... its now 10... I missed in... damn it....

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

6 pairs of

You know I am not one to complain (okay, maybe sometimes), but I am certainly am not one to complain about a generous gift bestowed upon myself (well not with earshot). I received a FedEx package in the mail, which I am extremely grateful for! I'm not going to say who it is ( my parents) who sent it and everything that was sent was great except I'm slightly curious about one thing, rather the 6 of one thing. The sender sent me 6 pairs of white socks, which would be great in Canada because I would own a pair of shoes in Canada. However, here in the southern hemisphere... I don't own a pair of shoes. With the coldest day of the year hovering around 13 degrees I only wear sandals. So.... this leads me to a small dilemma... I have 6 pairs of socks and zero opportunities to wear them. Should I go and buy a pair of shoes to go along with the socks or should I save them for some day when I decide to go back to Canada? Or maybe I should just start wearing socks with my sandals?

Picked up the car from the mechanic the other day. Appears as though his statement of "the muffler will need 1 0r 2 small components" actually means he is going to replace the muffler... I won't be going back.

Sidney Crosby being names the Canadian athlete of the year is an injustice as Steve Nash should have won the past three years. You could have made a compelling argument that Vincent Lecavalier and Roberto Luongo are equally as deserving as Crosby, but no Canadian touches Nash. Also, basketball is far larger on the world stage, so the field that Nash has to compete against is far greater than that of a hockey player.

Rumour on the street has it that a devoted reader continues going to work despite the fact that the person in question is very ill. The reason you are given sick days is not so that you can stay home if you are sick. They are given to you so that you can stay home and not show up to work making everyone else sick. If you aren't feeling well stay home.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Random


I'm suffering from Acute Radiation Poisoning, yet not one reader seems overly concerned... As you can see the poisoning has attracted some funny looks at the beach.


The table has been set! I heard one of my neighbours say that they do not really like U2. This comment was made while listen to the Live Vertigo DVD from Chicago. Well I'm not a fan of their 30 cigs a day, which waft up and into our flat. As you can guess 5/9 Cross St. has turned into U2 everyday all day. They have no idea how persistent I can be.


Were you as surprised as me when you heard that A-Rod denied using steroids on 60 minutes? Shocking! I thought he was going on t.v. to come clean and admit his rampant steroid use.


The word of the day on Google is unfledged.. I had been looking for the right word to explain why I'm still in a training bra and unfledged fits perfectly. I still use a training bra because my delicious bobbies are still unfledged.
Presently I feel like I'm on trial and I'm waiting for the jury to comeback with the verdict. I had to take our car in because of the fan belt, but of course upon being brought into the garage they noticed that there were a few components on the muffler that needed replacing (is it just me or is the muffler at the other end of the car?). Nevertheless I didn't ask how much it was going to cost and decided I'd treat it as a Kinder Surprise. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the cost associated with car maintenance in Australia... An oil change runs for about $100. I can only imagine how much this is going to cost.
Erin and I have officially secured tickets to the Australian Open!!! Saturday the 19th under the lights and Sunday morning. Its going to be AWESOME!!


Monday, December 17, 2007

Photography

Since I spent two minutes giving a shout out to a random persons website and pictures... Dave Lauder one of two faithful readers I have also have a great website with wonderful pictures.. More importantly... if you Google his name his website is the first thing that comes up... How cool!

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Did you try googling it? Did you Google your own name?

Poison

Erin tried poisoning me!! Before she left for Canada she bought me an Advent calendar... you know the ones with the chocolates for each day. Well I hadn't opened up yet and the last few times we chatted on the phone she kept asking if I'd been keeping up with it. Well today I decided to cracked it open... upon first look I was surprised to see that is wasn't a solid brown piece of chocolate and that it had a design on the back of the chocolate or so I suspected... it wasn't until I placed the chocolate in my mouth that I realised that it wasn't a design, but rather poison that was obviously put there by Erin in her attempt to be an assassin I have obviously played the role of Alexander Litvinenko. If this is the last time I write in this blog you'll know that the polonium-210 has taken hold and I've succumb to acute radiation syndrome. Please pine box coffin and I'd like to wear the signed Milt Stegall jersey that I never got to wear.

On a side note... did anyone read the comment on the last entry? It was from Rick and I believe he may be the first random reader I have ever had... how exciting! His blog is http://organizeddoodles.blogspot.com/ he has some cool drawings and pictures on his blog... Its better than mine... I'm going to have to step it up a notch!

Guilty pleasures continued...

Guilty pleasures continued...

  • Sports Illustrated
  • www.cnnsi.com
  • McLeans the Magazine (very underrated, but I haven't read one since February)
  • Sour Kids
  • Me mentally picturing walking downstairs to where my neighbours are sitting and systematically pulling the cigarettes out of their mouths and giving them each an open handed slap to the face
  • Growing plants
  • putting chocolate chip cookies in the freezer (you should try this with store bought ones.. makes them taste better)
  • Listening to U2 Live DVD's
  • Getting to school early so I can drop a deuce in my secret toilet
  • watching movies
  • going to the beach
  • playing Scrabble.

I'm sleepy... time for bed!

This list will continue...

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Christmas Shopping

Well up till now I haven't felt overly Christmassy, so I decided to venture down to the local mall to take in all the Christmas excitement. My gosh it didn't take me long to remember all the things I hate about Christmas and why I stayed here instead of jumping on a plane and flying back to Winnipeg to punish myself at Future Shop.

It started off with me having to park at the equivalent of Home Depot if I were shopping at Polo Park. Frankly I don't mind the walk, particularly on a day when its not overly hot. After darting through traffic I finally made it into the mall. I walk in the door and there is one of those makeshift stores in the middle of the aisle. Although unlike Canada, the people who work at these (well call it a boutique to sound all.. oh I don't know) Boutiques are very aggressive and don't just sit on a chair in front of a cash register, rather they pull aside unsuspecting victims and try and guilt them into buying something. With that all said its rather easy to avoid said people by putting your head down and walk them as fast as you can. Not today for me... nope I decide to look up at the most inopportune time and make direct contact. "Excuse me sir... excuse me sir.. can I talk to you for a second?" Me bring the gentleman that I am, I stop rather then storming by.
Aggressive sales lady: "Sir do you have a special lady in your life?"
Danny: "Yes but they are in Canada"
Aggressive sales lady: "Oh you must have someone here?"
Danny: "Nope"
Aggressive sales lady: "Girlfriend?"
Danny: "Canada"
Aggressive sales lady: "Mother"
Danny: "Canada"
Aggressive sales lady: "Sister, auntie, neighbour"
Danny: Looks at watch to divert attention and bolts to the boys room hoping no to be found.

After the initial fiasco I decide I want to go grab a coffee, so I walk towards the coffee shop, but it is far too busy, so I know the whereabouts of a coffee shop that is in the middle of on of the large department stores that is always dead. As I enter the department store a woman is walking out and sets of the alarm. She stops and retreats and I assume she is going to head back to the register. Nope, she decides to go through the detector in case the initial alarm was a false. Ok I can understand a second attempt (actually I can't but...), but nope alarm goes off again. Still no retreat to the register although this time through the alarm rather then walking at a normal pace she umps through, fourth time slowly goes through, fifth time she put her right foot in and then her left foot and shakes it all about, but nope alarm still blaring away. At this point I've stopped to see if she is going for the 10 tries because clearly after 10 alarm sets off the magnet deactivates itself.

Its at this point that I hurry off to the coffee shop, pick up a coffee and get the hell out of dodge because clearly if given the choice between ) not feeling overly Christmas like or B) Getting into the Christmas spirit by being fueled with rage at shopping mall I will pick A.

I think to day is the third time that I can remember feeling a bit homesick while in Adelaide. The first was a few weeks after my university graduation when after some pondering I figured it may have been a good day if I could have been there and gone for lunch and what not. Second time was Greg's wedding and today the third time was the get together at Carlos & Murphy's. Could have been a very fun time. Although when Erin e-mailed me she said she had wished it was better, but that it was interesting.. interesting hey?? That can certainly mean a lot of things... were people grumpy? Not getting along? Nothing to talk about? Who knows maybe I read it the wrong way. Although I sat back and thought about the group that was going and I realized that the one common denominator between this group of people is me and I wasn't there... oh well I do hope everyone had a blast. My heart sunk a little when Erin said it was interesting as I was living vicariously through the group that went and wanted everyone to have a good time.

WANKER OF THE WEEK
  • I could say the woman and the alarm, but thats too easy and it was kind of funny. I'll have to go with my neighbours. They must smoke three packs of cigarettes a day. Has nobody told them that smoking is no longer cool? Is it because they are addicted to smoking that they do it? Yes I assume so, but I am also addicted to chocolate and coffee and I don't have 30 of either every day!!

THINGS I LIKE THIS WEEK

  • Two.. two days of rain MWAH AH AH AH AH...
  • Car was making a funny sound the other day.. sort of a hissing sound when I accelerated. It sounded like a belt was loose or something (fan belt maybe?), but now it isn't making that sound any more. As far as I'm concerned.. fixed!!

THINGS I DO NOT LIKE THIS WEEK

  • The car clearly isn't fixed and it has either gotten worse and that it is why its stopped making the sound or it has temporarily fixed itself in a calm before the storm like moment and will return with a ferocity not seen before.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Runners World

Guilty pleasures, more specifically my guilty pleasures... Chocolate after dinner, coffee, video games, fantasy sports, $1 hot dogs at Ikea, office supplies and Runners World Magazines...

I LOVE Runners World.... I don't buy them on a monthly basis, however, there are times when I just feel like I deserve to read one, so I splurge. I do have one complaint though.... why...WHY.... does there always have to be an article on an middle aged, over weight mother of three (two children with the father, the latest with the illegal immigrant gardener), with a husband whom she married because she got knocked up in the back of a Chevy during high school who has recently run a 10km race to deal with her drug induces depression, but really its just an excuse to check out the guys running by. Every single issue of Runners World has this article and its never one of those 1 page you're in and you're out articles, but rather its drawn out of 6 pages and we all know whats going to happen. She dedicates everyone of her races to someone because heck why would you just run for the sake of running.... GAWD SPARE ME!!!!

Tomorrow night I think a few friends of mine, Erin and my parents are getting together at Carlos & Murphys. It seems low key, but it is the classic go in with low expectations and then all of a sudden you come stumbling out of the bar with a souvenir mug is one hand, the cover bands burnt disk in the other and the only reason you are leaving is because they turned the lights off. I wish I could be there hehe.

I would like to make a comment on my reference to the Pope... I do believe I said that white, english speaking males are like the Pope and I do believe that demographic reaches beyond your truly. However, I'd like to take it back because with the Catholic churches track record with young boys I don't believe its appropriate to compare potential school teachers and the Pope as clearly teachers should be held in much higher regard.

WANKER OF THE WEEK
  • Ray Emery hand finally one over the starting spot with the Ottawa Senators (what goalie leads his team to the Stanley Cup and then loses his spot the following season?) and then after one shot the other night pulls himself because of a sore hip. Like clockwork Martin Gerber goes in net and he has only let in one goal in the last two games. Thank you Ray Emery for putting the final stake in my fantasy hockey team.

THINGS I LIKE THIS WEEK

  • It rained today!! Man I do not remember the last time in rained and thankfully I'll be able to get some sleep because its not so hot.
  • The book A Perfect Mess

THINGS I DO NOT LIKE THIS WEEK

  • The article on the mother of three in RW
  • Jason Jaffray called up from the Manitoba Moose to the Vancouver Canucks to play his first NHL game and manages a 1G/1A... excellent work. However, game 3 15 minutes of playing time, -1 and 2 hooking penalties...me thinks that someone might be having trouble keeping up with the big boys with all those hooking penalties.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Susantha





I'm not sure if you may remember Susantha? An international student from Sri Lanka who has zero computer skills and I ended up being his group partner three times in 2006. Well over the past semester I have helped him type out his assignments... yes you could use the "give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish he eats for a life time." However, I'm too busy doing my own work and he is normally doing his assignments 2 weeks after the due date... time is normally of the essence. Regardless, a few days ago he asked if I could help him out and I being the sucker I am agreed. Well yesterday he comes over and he has his two kids and wife in tow? Not exactly ideal homework conditions, but not much I can do. Well... we head off to the beach with his kids and play around for a bit and everything is good and dandy, but we finally get to the point where we have to do the work. His assignment is 15 pages worth of math equations that must be typed into word format. I have to admit that I had never had the extreme pleasure of having to type math equations into word for... MY GAWD!!!! Is there anything in the world more painful? We worked till about 1 A.M. and got about half finished when I kicked him out because his wife, two kids and himself were asleep on the floor.


Susantha comes back this morning at about 9AM and the same pain stakingly slow process of typing in math equations continues. Around 12:30PM and nearly finish I say that I need to get out of the house and get some fresh air. We head to the Jetty to grab some lunch and Susantha continues on with his barrage of questions as to where are good places to visit around Adelaide and how the next day myself, him and his family should all jump in the car and go to said places. Well as we eat away he asks what I have planned for the day and I mention not much... maybe a run later on. Well as we head to the car he asks "so no plans for the rest of the day?" and I'm "nope" (yes I know you know where this is going) Before I know it we are driving in his tin box on the freeway towards McLaren Vale (wine region) to have a visit. I WAS DUPED!!!


Now you may think that my biggest concern in all this was that I was essentially kidnapped, but really that was child's plays. The far bigger concern at hand was being on the freeway. Have you any idea what it is like driving in the Australian version of a Chevette with a taxi driver from Sri Lanka? Let me set the situation... were driving downhill on a highway with the speed limit 110kph in a car that I'm pretty sure has a max speed of 91kph... at any rate... on said hill we are only going 80 and Susantha is braking. I'm in the passengers seat with pee running down one leg, one arm gripping the door handle for dear life and the other arm pulling Susantha's leg off the brake while he is shaking me off yelling he doesn't want to get a speeding ticket to which I'm yelling back "but I don't want to die"


We made it there and back, but a little worse for wear...


Not much else new on the Adelaide front...it has only been going up to about the mid 20's the last few days, but I suppose it could be worse.


What do you guys prefer? The black background or the new one?


Oh one last thing... I finally figured it out why so many Indians and Sri Lankins want me to go visit them when were are done school.. no its not because I'm a nice guy, but in India and Sri Lanka it is quite common for people to open up their own academies i.e. schools and to have a wite english speaking male is like having the Pope as a priest at your church. If I went and taught at one of these schools it would be like winning the lottery for some of these future school owners.


WANKER OF THE WEEK


  • Clearly that is a no brainer.. me... who else gets suckered into helping with the most tedious assignment ever and get kidnapped?

THINGS I LIKE THIS WEEK



  • Very excited about going to New Zealand

THINGS I DO NOT LIKE THIS WEEK



  • My hamstring is not feeling too good.

  • My neighbour who always who stomps his feet up the stairs every single time... why.. WHY??

Sunday, December 02, 2007

6 in the morning

Its Sunday morning.... 6:30am... and I am awake. You may think this is because of my philosophy on life and how it revolves around "Early bird gets the worm""... not true. I am up because my loving girlfriend who had lived in Australia for almost two years went back home and still hasn't quite figured out the time difference and I got a nice little call at 5:30 this morning. On the positive side of things it is nice to go outside before it becomes 35 degrees outside, but the downside is what the heck am I going to do all day??





Oh here are my plants... just little guys...











Shrewd business people these Australians... Doughnuts used to be $0.75... just a steal of a deal and they agreed, so they raised the price to $1.25... chicken enchiladas used to be 5 for $10, again another great deal, so tasty... went to the store and now they are 4 for $10.. disappointment.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend... if anyone happens to take a number of outdoor closeup pictures(you know who you are) could you e-mail me what type of lens you use most often...

Its Hot

Hello kids,
How is everyone? Before I get started I want to wish Dave Lauder a Happy Birthday... I hope you had a good one.

I'm just sitting here gasping for air at midnight as the air is thick and humid because it is so damn hot... I'm pretty certain that I will not be sleeping well tonight with such warm conditions. I know you can all sympathize with me on how difficult it is to sleep when its warm outside.

Not much happening here. I am finally... FINALLY... finished school for the semester. It seemed like it was over after my practicum, but no they had one nasty treat left for me. My last assignment was a total of just under 100 pages and consisted of approximately 38,000 words.. yes you read that correctly.. 38,000 words. My teacher is off his rocker. The last time I checked I wasn't in the midst of writing my thesis, but rather unit plans for Ultimate Frisbee, Football, Floor Hockey and Golf. In case anyone cares to know... I ma confident that I have the best unit of flag football in all of South Australia... It is of no concern that I may be the only one in all of South Australia that knows anything about Flag football.. it still is number one.

I don't want to talk about those sad sack Bombers for too long, but I did want to make mention of one fact... watching the game (or in my case listening) was not disappointing because they lost, but rather it was disappointing listening to the game because at no point did you actually feel like they were going to win the game. Even with 1m30s to go and the ball at midfield just before numb nuts threw his third interception one could make the argument that it felt like they had the chance to win. I did not have those same tingly feelings.. as I sat 40cms away from the laptop listening to the game it was as if I was waiting for that interception and not a touchdown.. the loss almost seemed inevitable.

Greg I know you may be slightly concerned about Brett Favre and his injury... no need my friend. I have had a number of separated shoulders and there is very little pain involved in the injury, but rather a discomfort because the shoulder is so weak. I feel that Favre could easily play in the game without too much discomfort, however, after one of two good shots he will be in a little bit of trouble because when he falls towards the ground his left arm will not be able to sustain the blow and he will crash violently into the ground.

For those of you who are unaware... Erin is back in the Peg so please if you get a chance say hello to her.

I bought three plants to decorate the apartment.. they are doing well..I will keep you up to date on their health and growth. I wish I had more to tell, but I have just been so darn busy as of lately... I hope all is well in Canada.


WANKER OF THE WEEK
  • Got into a rather heated debate with a med student over his claim the Rexall Place in Edmonton has the best ice in the NHL and I too have heard this before. However, how exactly does one qualify ice being the best.. his rebuttal was ask an NHL player to which I said well what if player A says one ice surface and player B says another.. how is right? It seems rather arbitrary to say on is better than the other...

THINGS I LIKE THIS WEEK

  • No home work
  • I got mail from Greg Morris.. I loved the pictures!!

THINGS I DO NOT LIKE THIS WEEK

  • No school this week... despite my bitching I still kind of enjoy it.
  • First running injury in ages.. pulled hamstring.. not happy about it
  • Having trouble loading pictures for the blog, so sorry.