If your life was a book

If your life was a book how would you sort the chapters? Would it be done by events? For example chapter 26 titled "That Really Bad Dye Job Which I Thought Was Cool At The Time" or would it be done by the day?

I've decided that I would separate mine by the day. You know how Borat and a few other comedians use the type of humor where they do something and you laugh, yet they keep doing it, so after awhile you would laugh again just because you feel you have to. Well I think thats it would be like reading my biography... an uncomfortable chuckle because you don't know what else to do.

"Danny wakes up and stumbles to the bathroom, goes pee with only getting a small splash on the seat, washes hands, jumps in shower, stands in shower for 30 minutes in hopes that the muscles in his back and legs become responsive... there would be the odd alteration like "Danny wakes up with (insert alcohol of choice) ozzing out of his pores, runs into shower bound full of energy!! Well until 10:30Am when the booze wears off and the hangover kicks in." Lately those mornings would include "Danny sits on train at 7AM and the same jackass sits behind with his hotdog loaded with peppers and onions and Danny's stomach turns and he grasps to not lose his lunch."

I guess the only downfall to my chapter theory is that I'd be on like ch. 1100 and the first few years might be a little boring and other mornings.. oye!

Things are good lately because...

1) I finally got to teach... and so far the score is Danny's classes 1 injured students 0

2) I realized just how much a shark and a dolphin look alike when they swim only a few feet away from you and you don't have bite marks to prove it.

3) I figured out that tacos aren't really tacos when you don't have the shell.

4) I used to like eatting lunch by myself because I enjoyed a few minutes of peace and quiet, but now I prefer to eat lunch with friends.

5) I was out for a run and it started raining.. i love the rain.

6) Training camp for hockey starts on Sunday.

7) People who portray a "faux confidence" are just that "faux"

8) Played soccer the other day.

9) My Sri Lankin friend Susanta's wife and kids got Australians visas.. I'm happy for them.

Bored

Do you ever find yourself craving a chocolate donut, so badly that you have salivadripping down the side of your mouth?

Long weekend this weekend... Monday is the Adelaide Cup AKA Horse Race. AM I the only person who thinks this may be detrimental to gamblers annonymous? I mean they give you the day off, so you can go gamble while wearing a silly hat..

I'm bored...

Kiss from a rose

I'm certain that I get under our neighbours skin by always playing the live U2 DVD's at a louder volume than need be. However, our upstairs neighbour has more than made up for it by playing Kiss From a Rose by Seal over and over again. If there is a hell there is a good chance that I have a spot waiting for me (I know you just thought to yourself that if theres a hell you won't be going there... quit kidding yourself). If there is one I can see mine being me having to work at the Future Shop warehouse listening to Seal over and over again only to hear the occasional Mumbo Number 5 and the Macarana.

THINGS I LIKE THIS WEEK
1) Not as hot outside

THINGS I DON'T LIKE THIS WEEK
1) Listening to Seal

Jelly Fish

Hola,

I was brutally assaulted by a jelly fish this afternoon. I didn't report it to the authorities because had I been the Jelly Fish I too would have stung me as I was partaking in an aggressive breast stroke. I'm not sure if this is true, but I once heard that if you get stung by a Jelly Fish you are supposed to pee on it? Does anyone know if this is true? I didn't try it (really), but if this is fact maybe next time.

Tonight the low is 30 degrees Celsius... this my friends to does not make for optimal sleeping conditions, however, still better than the -45 some folks had to do with not too long ago.

Things I like this week
1) Ordered 3 large pizzas for $3.95 each.. can't beat that.
2) Erin and I went to the movies the other day.. old fashion type theater. Well Erin decided to put her feet up and the cushion on the chair in front of her went flying forward and hit the seat in front of that. Well... this old building you can feel every time some even bumps the seats, so a guy sitting about 10 seats over feel forward and yelled our "JEEEESSSUUUUSSSS" After the cushion hit the row he was sitting in. You can't really appreciate the humor in this unless you were there, but let me tell you.. there is nothing funnier than a guy falling out of his seat and yelling in a empty movie theater.. classic I tell you. I couldn't laugh because I didn't want to hurt the guys feelings, but I had tears running down my cheek. You may have noticed that this was a run on sentence, but I didn't take a breath so it is ok.

THINGS I DON'T LIKE HIS WEEK
1) Price of coffees went up here in Adelaide as did the price of bread.

Nascar

Hola,

I have a confession to make... I don't follow any form of race car driving whatsoever. The only time I watched a race was a few months back when I watched an entire F1 race where Michael Schumaucer (pretty good chance I spelt that wrong) and some Italian construction worker went head-to-head and Michael (notice how I avoided spelling his last name a second time?) ended up winning and then the next day at school some guy struck up a conversation about the previous nights race and I was able to talk like an expert... well a lying expert but I digress.

Anyways, that was a long winded story to provide background to what I really want to talk about. Seeing as though its 40 degrees out I'm trying to find any old reason to stay inside so on cnnsi I was looking through pictures of celebrities and their predictions for the upcoming Daytona 500. One of the pictures was of Nancy Pelosi (Speaker of the house in the U.S. for anyone who is not familiar. She was the 10th person to be asked who she thought would win. Most of the people answered with a"I love John Doe because hes super cool" or "Jimmie Johnson has the same name as me, so obviously I have to route for him." What I am getting at is that most of the answers were fairly simple... Then we had to ask a politician (Nancy Pelosi and this was her answer...

"My colleagues and I recently had the pleasure of welcoming Jimmy Johnson to the capitol to congratulate him on his success as Nascar champion. He is a gifted athlete, a great ambassador for the sport of Nascar, and my pick to win the Daytona 500."

Why is it politicians have to make everything so much more difficult than it has to be? A simple "I think Jimmy Johnson is going to win" would have sufficed. At no point did anyone need to know where Jimmy has recently been (Capitol Hill apparently), why he was there (to be patted on the back), and what he is good at (Ambassador for the Sport of Nascar).


Since when did Howie Mandel become a celebrity?

A recent blog reader stated that it was about time I showed my face around here... well I didn't want to scare the kids so I had to stay away for awhile, but they're sleeping now so I'm back.

Off to the beach...

Home Sweet Home

Howdy...
I only have a minute, but I just wanted to make a quick post to say that
A) I'm alive
B) The blog is back in business
C) My favourite thing about being an adult and buying my own groceries is that I can eat watermelon when I want and as much has I want... I love watermelon

What to tell...

Finished my school today after being bombarded with assignment and now I'm bored.

Surfing is VERY hard.

Kayaked with dolphins the other day.

Now that school has finished weather has turned to shit.

U2 concert tomoorw...

and yeah

Howdy

Finally.. I have been trying to write up a blog for the last few days and the website has been down. How is everyone doing? Things here are good. School has been keeping me busy, my Sweedish neighbours who live above us are going to get a Sweedish meatball in the mouth if they keep playing there god awful music, friend of mine from England moved home and other than that everything is status quo.

This morning I woke up at 6AM and went for a run... man i know why people in AUstralia go to bed so early (11pm all the lghts are out around us)... its because they are up at walking at 6AM. The path by the ocean was filled with people this morning. Despite the fact I hate running in the morning I am going to have to do more of it because it is getting too warm in the afternoons to run. It also allows me to go to the beach after school. Today I got to swim with the dolphins... well sort of... I jumped into the Ocean and maybe 50 meters away was a dolphin bobbing up and down in the water... kinda neat, but where there are dolphins there are sharks.

Speaking of beach... I'd really like to purchase a kayak... we have such a nice beach that it would be perfect for it. This weekend Erin and I are going Kayaking to see some shipwreck, so it will be our test run to see if we should buy one.

I feel like I bring my speedo from here seein as though evetyone else has one.

The last time I went swimming in the ocean was Jan 1/01 and I was still drunk. Jack, brad Keith and I had signed up for snorkling while we were in Jamaica and when I got there I wasn't really thinking straight, so I jumped in mouth wide open and swallowed a couple gallons of salt water. Well the water here is just as salty as the water was there. So people just never learn!!

THINGS I LIKE THIS WEEK

• Kayaking... going to be super cool.
• Brad playing is first game of the season even though they lost.

THINGS I DON'T LIKE THIS WEEK

• University of Miami football team is pathetic and the women who gave out the suspensions didn't even watch the video

Q-tip

The people who work at customs in Australia deserve a rasie! The averted a major disaster by having my two Sports Illustrated magazines held a customs for inspection... I can only assume they were kept on the top of the toilet in the employees mens room for reading material. I mean I know I was excited to read the NFL preview magazine and I guess they were too.

Speaking of averting disasters... we had our own little crisis about a week ago. Being the poor students that Erin and I are we are always looking for the best deal. However, I strongly feel that no expense should be spared when it comes to the selection of q-tips. One day Erin decided to break this rule and bought q-tips from the dollar store. They were in essence a lolly-pop stick with a bite of cotton taken out ofthe top of a Tylenol bottle. I bitched and moaned about how saving fifty cents off of q-tips is not worth at and that my ears only deserve the best. Well time went on and I dealt with this until about a week ago when I cleaning out my ears and realized that the soothing sensation of my ears being opened to the world was no longer there and it was replaced by every sound sounding a little duller. The Tylenol cotton had slid right off the end of the lolly-pop stick and was logged in my ear. Let me tell you just how uncomfortable it is having a piece of cotton rub against the side of your brain. I tried to use tweezers to get out the cotton, but couldn't so I waited for Erin to get home. Erin being the chicken that she was co mplained that the tweezers weren't long enough and that she wouldn't be able to get the cotton block out. Out of she desperation I stuffed the tweezer next to my frontal lobe and got the cotton out, but lets this be a lesson to you at home... Do not buy cheap q-tips.

THINGS I LIKE THIS WEEK

• Although I won't be able to watch any games I'm excited to have the hockey season upon us
• We recently won the Adelaide Ice Hockey Championships

THINGS I DO NOT LIKE THIS WEEK

• My campus is situated on the outskirts of a desert... plus 30 and blowing sand is not my idea of a good time.

Here in Australia they talk about American Politics almost as much as they do Australian politics. They discuss how inept the Americans are and how much they dislike there policy, although Australian policy is as conservative and right in line with American politics if you ask me. Anyways, there was an article about Guantanomo Bay which is not a rare occurance. They think that it should be shut down, expecially because there is an AUstralian prisoner whom the public feels has been ostricized. Regardless, in todays article they discussed how the most sought after book in the library at Guantanomo Bay is Harry Potter, there were 91 dental fillings last year and they enjoyed watching the World Cup. Can someone please explain to me why in a newspaper which is oh I don't know 10000 miles away would they right about such inconsequential information. The only thing that the article in question says is that the prisonners read at a low grade level, they have bad teeth and they enjoy watching soccer. If you ask me none of this information comes as surprising, nor hould it be written about in a newspaper in a different continent.

THINGS I LIKE THIS WEEK

• Weather is getting nicer here
• Ran a 12km race with 26,000 of my closest Australian friends

THINGS I DO NOT LIKE THS WEEK

• I wrote a blog entry last week and it did not post properly, which is very annoying.
• Things happen in 3's, sp Holly getting sick, Dorothy falling and Cam getting hit by a car should be the end of the Lauder unluck.

Donuts

I just got back from the grocery store... the same grocery store, which sold the tastiest donuts for only $1.25. Well the damn sheep farmers who own the grocery store (I've come to the conclusion that every Australian is a sheep farmer in form or another) raised the price of said donuts to $1.89!! I bloody 35% mark up. I will not be buying donuts at the sheep farmers grocery store any longer.

DAMN SNAKES!!

Howdy

I'm going to miss Ander Agassi! There are very few athletes that have captivated me enough, that if I see them on t.v. I got make a pot of coffee because I'm going to be there for the long haul. I didn't get the chance to watch his last few mathces unfortunately because they weren't on t.v. here in Adelaide (or not on farmer vision). I had to live vicariously through articles posted on the web about how he matured as an athlete blah blah blah...

I liked Andre Agassi when he was that punk kid with jean shorts, long hair and god awful multi-coloured shirts that can only be seen in the 80's and I liked him even more when he went from being the best-to one of the worst and than back to being the best. My last memory of watching Andre Agassi is going to be sitting in a communal t.v. room in a crappy melbourne hotel with a hand full of sketchy characters. It was 1 or 2 in the morning and Erin and I had decided to stay up to watch the match. The Australian announcers kept reminding us over and over that as soon as the Lewitt Hewton match began they would switch over (had to watch their Australian boy even though hes an ass). We watched Agassi battle Nadal in the first set which went to a tie breaker and was eventually won by Nadal, but I like having that as the last memory I will have of Agassi because it showed how he battles and became the champion he is, but also how he aged and was vulnurable to the younger generation.

I had the misfortune of witnissingthe most menacing spider I have even seen in my life the other day. I went to lay down in bed and saw something in the corner of the room. Upon further inspection I saw the Barry Bonds of spiders. He was about the size of a quarter, but it was the thinkness of the spider that was eye catching. His body and legs were not your typical Winnipeg spider, but despite the physical attributes of the sider it was no match for my Educational Psychology textbook, which smoothered it across the wall. The nexttime I encounter a spider like this I have to figure out a different killing technique because the thickness of the spider also brought more guts to be smoothered, so after seeing the casualties I realized that I made a mess all over the wall. If I were living at home MArilyn would not approve.

I normally enjoy taking the train, but not so much lately. Currently the equivalent of the Red River Ex. is going on and the first train I take to school stops at the fair. The people going to the fair are the same group of people who would go to the Ex back home... people who can't control their kids, so every morning and afternoon I'm sitting in a box full of a 100 or so people with 20-30 of them scream and crying. By the end of the week my nerves were fried and I have decided that maybe I shouldn't be a teacher if thats what I have to look forward to.

THINGS I LIKE THIS WEEK

• Only one more week till spring break.
• Start of the NFL season

THINGS I DON'T LIKE THIS WEEK

• Guy sitting across from me on the train doesn't wear his sun glasses the whole trip, but when we pull into the train station he pulls his glasses on. Dude there is NO sun inthe train station.

Long time no talk

Hello Kids,
Dawned on me the other day that I haven't written in some time, so I thought I'd check in. First off school and the two hours I spend on the train everyday have been taking up a great deal of my time. School is good! The classes are smaller and they try and encourage class participation, actually it is all class participation, but for the most part it has been good. I had my first presentation in front of the class and it went quite smoothly. The biggest hassle was actually having partners. I was with a guy from Sri Lanka... Super nice guy, but he doesn't know how to use a computer and it takes him awhile to understand things because his English is very choppy, but we managed. On a side note he is on his seventh wife, is in his 40's and had never cooked for himself... I'd say there are some cultural differences there.

The train ride is long, but now a part of life. Thankfully I've discovered that podcasts are free to download, so I download a bunch of radio broadcasts from back home and listen to them to pass the time.

Hockey is coming to an end and our team is making a run to the Grand Final, but I must admit I'm looking forward to it being over and done with. There is no particular reason why just had enough hockey and looking forward to the summer. Speaking of summer the temp. is getting nicer and nicer finally... it won't be long till I'll be e-mailing how great the weather is here while you guys are bundling up.

Its nice to see the Bombers doing well, but I can't believe I got up early to listen to the Hamilton game when they got smoked.. it was Sat. Morning here and I should have stayed in bed.

Now to the important stuff... Erin and I have discovered a few gems... the have this chicken gyro stuff that is grade A and cheap. Still missing the K.D. from back home because the stuff here almost made me throw up. I eat peanut butter and jam sandwiches for breakie everyday and cereal before bed.

I'd like to give "props" to Maples Juventus who are in the MSA Cup semi-finals... if they make it to the final it will be this Saturday and Red River Community College and you should go and support them.

Well hope everyone is well and I'll write in the near future to tell you how the Adelaide Marathon went, which is this weekend.

THINGS I LIKE THIS WEEK

• can't say enough about podcasts
• Boy in the Striped pajamas by John Boyne... moves slow but well worth the read... second last chapter took my breath away

THINGS I DON'T LIKE THIS WEEK

• Blue Jays players and managers fighting amongst themselves.
• Yankees winning 5 straight. I don't sleep well into I know the Yankees are out of the play-offs but they look good
• My swollen peck... going on two weeks and not getting better. Think I may have to go to a doctor.

Zidane

Enough with the Zidane business... I have to make a few confessions to make first!

1. There are two teams in the World Cup I didn't want to win and they were Italy and Portugal.
2. If you wondering if there are underlying racial reaons for this sentiment, well there are. I have many Portuguese and Italian friends, so I have come know just how much they love, well... being Portuguese and Italian.. They don't need any more help.
3. I love just how good a soccer players Zidane is and I wish I could have watched more of him.

Anyways, Zidane decided to lose his cool on possibly the biggest stage possible. I can't think of any other sporting event that is put on such a pedestal as the World Cup. That being said... it should be expected that every media outlet in the world is going to gab on and on and on about it, it is the nature of the beast. There are two arguments that I just plain don't agree with and don't feel that they should weigh into the debate at all.

1. France did not lose because Zidane got red carded... PERIOD! Zidane was able to participate in 1h50m of a soccer game that could have been finished in 1h30m. Yes he also missed the penalty shots, but the last time I checked Zidane was NOT about to play goal and I have never seen a team in any sport lose a penalty shootout without missing a shot. Zidanes impact on the game was tremendous, however, on that day his impact was not good enough.
2. Oh what about the kids who were watching.. what will they do? The are clearly tarnished for life. No there are not tarnished for life! Kids see lots of stuff, both good and bad. Sure over the long haul the things these kids see will have an affect on who they become because each person will sort out their experiences and mold them into the person they are. However, on head butting is not going to change a person for life and if it did there are far bigger consequences that should be weighed here. Those consequences being that the person in question is so easily influenced that they will inevitably be smoking crack in the next few years.

The guy made a mistake... leave him and his legacy be. Besides there are much bigger sports celebrities who have done far worse, such as Brad Mitchell.

Have you ever sneezed while bending over trying to pick something up? I am not talking the proper knees bent work, health and safety type of bend, but rather the type of bend where your back is torqued at 90 degrees. I'm going to guess you haven't because you are still alive to read this blog. I did such s sneeze this afternoon (or avro as they say here is Aussie Land) and let me tell you... no, no, no.. LET ME TELL YOU!!! My eye balls just about popped right out of the sockets and I am going to blame this on Einstein and gravity because only he could explain the feeling of a slimy ball trying to slither through a hole much too small... yes thats right it wasn't a good one.

My orientation at Uni SA came and went last week. Quite boring as most of the stuff was catered more towards the Asian student with little or no english skills. Did surprise myself and went to a wine and Cheese that they put on for us International Students (apparently 20 grand will buy you two hours of free wine and a pen). I met a few people who seemed nice enough that I went to a pub with them after and had a pretty good time, but unfortunately for me I was also reintroduced to an old friend named Hang Over, whom I hadn't seen for some time and certainly did NOT miss.

Other than that everything seems status quo... I ran a 30KM race the other day, which went wel, but I have been a little tired and sore since. I was not overly pleased having to run 3 km to the start of the race, so that I could start on time, however, that is the life of the Public Transit taking man!

THINGS I LIKE THIS WEEK

• School starting soon.
• Going golfing tomorrow.
• Only a month of cool weather for me and only a month of hot weather for you!

THINGS I DO NOT LIKE THIS WEEK

• Raptors 1st round draft pick... that is one team thats destiny is intertwined with sucks.

End of an Era

I have a list of "things to do before I die" and I am saddened to know that one of the ones near the top of the list is going to go unaccomplished. I have for a number of years wanted to see Andre Aggasi play tennis and unless I stumble upon a small fortune nd get my hands on a ticket to see him play in the US Open it looks like I'm not going to get to see him play. The same sort of thing happened to me and getting to watch Wayne Gretzky play live. Once the Jets left Winnipeg I thought there was no chance, but good fortune and destiny brought me to Montreal for soccer nationals and I was able to watch him play the season opened in Montreal... MAGICAL.

Just got back from a very fun trip to Melbourne where we did such things as shop (lots of it), Footy game, Aquarium, Coldplay convert to name a few things. It was nice to get out of Adelaide and relax. For as much fun as I had I must admit that Melbourne itself was a little disappointing. In terms of rating it against other cities I don't think I would put it in my top 10. yes it was nice and all, but there was no "wow" factor. It was just a regular run of the mill city. It seems that people compare Sydney to Melbourne here in Oz land listing both good and bad for both, but I have the feeling that Sydney will provide more of a "wow" factor than Melbourne did for me.

Some of the people Erin goes to school have raised the "loser" bar just a little bit higher than I thought possible. Erin is in a study group where they take turns basically doing each others homework... Well members of this exclusive group have confronted other members of the quality of their work. Let me think here... If you don't like their work why don't you do your own. This little group has gone so far over the top that a constitution has been written. I repeat the bar is just a little higher than it was before.

THINGS I LIKE THIS WEEK

• getting close to being able to get my student card so I can get a discount on public transportation.
• that the Bombers are 2-1

THINGS I DO NOT LIKE THIS WEEK

• the beginning of the end of Andre Aggasi's career
• public transportation
• the small hot water tank in our flat that provides memories of having cold showers at Sisler high school where they had no hot water tank.

Perfect

I came across a person who clearly thought they were perfect today. After the encounter in question I thought to myself how difficult it must be to be perfect. I mean having everything you do and say meet a certain standard that is almost unattainable by other people. Not only this, but than you have to ensure that everyone else does things YOUR way, so that the perfectionist can be satisfied with how things are done. I can't imagine just how stressul life must be...

I'm sure that there are times in my life that I too thought I was perfect, but I think I've become more passive, a better listener and just a little more care free that I don't try and be perfect any more... if I am trying to be perfect... please call me on it.

Draft

I have decided that if there was a Draft where you would have to pick a team that would well.... Just be your team I think I may take a soccer player with my first pick. This team would not compete in any one event or just in sports... This team would be like your posse where you would go out at night together, play sports together, compete in Trivial Pursuit competitions all against other "teams".

There is so much that a world class soccer player could offer and I'm not only talking about their athletic ability. Frequently they will speak more than one language, have sponsors, to known around the world, be good at acting. The only draw back would be that he would be a wimp and I'd be forced to use some of my late rounds picks on some thugs who would be able to protect the team.

Currently Davis Beckham is my number one pick... He may be getting older, but is still a good soccer player, good looking guy, rich, owns a lot of cool cars, came across as a cool guy in a documentary I watched last week, but what really put him over the top is that he can now speak Spanish since moving to Spain, so he must not be all that dumb. Plus who wouldn't want to have the corporate appeal that David Beckham possesses on your team?

I think if you know my parents and get a chance you should watch the movie La Moustache, its about a guy who has had a moustache forever (my dad) and decided to shave it off, but when he gets home his wife (my mom) didn't even notice. I have yet to see it, but I'm going to be on the look out for it.

THINGS I LIKE THIS WEEK

• Hasn't happened yet, but I'd love to see England beat Ecuador
• The prospect of getting mail from my parents this week
• school starting in the very near future

THINGS I DO NOT LIKE THIS WEEK

• How Australians are the biggest bunch of bandwagoners I have ever seen... Apparently they all love and have been watching soccer for years... They haven't.
• DiVinci Code... Book was good brain candy, but the movie did not match the hype.
• How the Blue Jays are such a good team, but whenever they get a chance to catch the Yankees and BoSoxs they loser to lesser teams like the Marlins and the Braves.

Sushi anyone

I don't think words can actually justify what I am about to tell you...
Some things should be deemed wrong and nothing else. encountered one of those things last night. Erin and I were heading off to dinner downtown last night when we passed a nice little Asian lady selling Sushi one the side of the road. I'm not talking about in some sort of street vendor, I am talking about a woman with a card table and a little cardboard say which said "Sushi only $2 reduced to clear." I'm pretty sure the only thing that this Sushi which was no being chilled would be my stomach when I would be suffering from serious foor poinsoning.

THINGS I LIKE THIS WEEK

• that I wasn't one of the people who bought this Sushi
• release of EA sports Head Coach
• World Cup... wish it happened more than every 4 years
• walked passes a high end steak house (just after seeing the lady with the sushi) and I saw one of the sexiest steaks I have ever seen and the fact that I believe Erin and I will be in attendance of this Steak House next Friday.

THINGS I DO NOT LIKE THIS WEEK

• That I am not currently running in the Manitoba Marathon... can't remember the last time i wasn't there
• That I believe I have a hernia
• That I will be missing game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finls